What are your weaknesses? What brings you comfort? Have your coping skills become your bane? We need things in this life that bring us comfort. We need things to put our faith in and give us hope when we are too weak and hopeless. However, when unchecked, the things that bring us relief can also cause us distress.
I have been struggling with emotional eating my entire life. I know I am not powerless. I can choose healthier coping methods. In October of 2023, I suffer a lot of trauma. I lost all of what little hope I had left. Without any morsel of hope, I began to binge and fixate on certain unhealthy foods for false comfort. I say false comfort because emotional eating has never brought me true comfort. The reality is that those chosen vices have brought me more pain. Perhaps the distraction during the act of binging offers the most relief. But is it worth it if I only suffer further consequences?
In the last couple of months, I’ve been reevaluating everything. I have questioned why I am so fixated on these foods. I wondered if I was addicted. I know I am not, and I can stop anytime I want. I have chosen to give in to my vices. I believe it is because I have no hope or motivation to be better or healthier. I am depressed, and this is my act of self-destruction. I am more than capable of doing the work to live a healthy lifestyle. I suppose right I do not feel worthy of the effort. I am tired. I’m sick of working hard only to achieve so little. I do not know if I care to finish this journey of health. I think I’d rather lay down and die. I’m aware the problem is not a lack of power. My problem is lacking the will to yield that power and an absent hopeful future to work towards. I have no clue what I’m living for, and right now, I’m unsure if I’m even living.
The only thing I know is that nothing helps. I will embrace the suffering of no comforts, even the false ones. I will retool my diet for the millionth time. Focus on just getting back to basics. Keeping things simple is the best thing to do when starting over. I have no goals; except that I do not want to be dependent on these crap vices. If I am to suffer, let it be from the things out of my control. For there are many, and I don’t have to create more suffering
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